


Kissing Competitions

by PenzyRome



Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: F/F, Getting Together, Kissing, M/M, Sarah knows everything, Theatre AU, bc write what you know ig, davey is Far Too Competitive, if a newsie has ever been cast as a girl they are in this lol, jack is... crushing and bad at covering it up, jojo and buttons are just flat-out sweethearts everyone loves them, medda buys her students coffee and the school board doesnt care, medda is Very Tired, rated t and up bc of a lot of swearing and mentions of stage sex, theyre in high school ig, theyre putting on waitress bc i was tired and i love waitress yes i KNOW the rights arent out yet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 17:19:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13528959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PenzyRome/pseuds/PenzyRome
Summary: One very tired cast and crew, two stage-sex failures, three complaints, four crushes, three drink orders, two very competitive leads, and one all-knowing stage manager.It's a miracle the worst thing that happened that day was a stage kiss competition.





	Kissing Competitions

**Author's Note:**

> "penzy please work on the last chapters of all stories have beginnings" "no take this"

       There wasn’t a person in the theater whos fingers weren’t crossed. Spot even had his toes crossed. Medda looked like she was about to blow a fuse. David had Jack’s hand in a vice grip. Sniper was praying. Sarah had her headset off and was halfway through her third coffee. Katherine was doing her vocal warmups by singing “shit” on different notes.

       No one was more stressed than Race and Buttons, because, well, they had to pretend to have sex in front of all of their friends and all of their friends’ friends.

       It could be worse. They weren’t in full costume.

       Medda started the music, and everyone froze for twenty seconds.

       Medda threw her hands into the air. “Stop!”

       Race practically flew across the stage away from a petrified Buttons. Medda looked from one to the other and sighed.

       “Just… everyone take a break. I’m going to go get lunch. Davey, Katherine, my new stage sex gurus, you two want anything?”

       Katherine looked up from her script. “A green tea, thanks.”

       David rubbed his temples. “Their largest black coffee, with as many shots as possible plus three scoops of sugar. I want to _feel each individual blood cell in my body_.”

       “A green tea and a lemon water, got it. Crutchie, you’re in charge. Don’t let my son destroy his canvases.”

       “Yes, Miss Medda!” She left, and Race promptly got yelled at.

       “Race,” Katherine deadpanned, “that was fucking terrible.” Race held up his hands in surrender and looked at Spot for help. His boyfriend just shook his head.

       “Seriously, that was the worst stage sex I’ve ever seen, and I had to see Dave in ‘Titus Andronicus’,” Jack said, and David mock-gasped.

       “I’m fucking ravishing now, shut up!”

       Jack mumbled something, clearly red, and David tilted his head before Smalls clapped her hands. Everyone turned, and she spoke.

       “Back to the matter at hand, that was awful. Not your fault, Buttons, we all love you,” everyone nodded, “but Race, are you kidding me?” Race opened his mouth, and she shushed him. “You’re our go-to fake sex guy and this sucks!”

       “I’m used to faking it with guys, this is different! By the way, Buttons, what chapstick do you use because your lips are so soft I--” David bolted up.

       “That’s bullshit, I’m great at fake sex with girls and I’m gay!”

       The room exploded, and Katherine had to use the whistle she reserved for baseball games to get their attention. “Can we just agree that it was bad?” she asked, and Race groaned.

       “I’d like to see you do better!”

       “I will!” Everyone gasped, and Jojo raised her hand.

       “As the second-best friend, can I be your partner in this crime?” Katherine grinned and air-high-fived her, sliding across the linoleum to sit next to her. Race made a go-ahead motion, and Katherine whispered something to Jojo before promptly shoving her tongue down her throat. Buttons went pale, and the rest of the cast and crew watched with grotesque interest.

       After about thirty seconds, David spoke up. “Guys, that’s really bad.” Both girls backed up and glared at him. He continued, “There’s no feeling behind it, you’re just going through the motions!”

       Katherine scowled. “Is that a challenge?”

       David smiled cheekily. “I don’t know. Is it, Jack?”

       “Davey, it feels weird to be the voice of reason, but--”

       “It is.”

       Jack sighed, and Albert started chanting from the sound booth. “Kiss-off! Kiss-off! Kiss-off!” Soon the entire crew joined in, and The Jack Kelly looked nervous for the first time in recorded history.

       The sound booth and backstage soon emptied out, and a circle of painfully enthusiastic theatre kids formed around the four. Crutchie called for silence and raised a hand.

       “Three years ago,” he began, “we started a tradition. That start was brought about when one Spot Conlon decided he was a better fake kisser than Specs, and they were pitted against each other. Now, we make a change-- two teams, fighting for glory. We will assign you each three different fictional kisses, and you will be graded. Albert and I are your judges. Elmer is our voice of reason. Race and Buttons shall choose the kisses.”

       He lowered his hand.

       “Now let the kiss-off…. Commence.”

 

       Sarah Jacobs knew better than anyone that her girlfriend and her brother could cause some wild shit. They had gotten the school lunch ladies to strike when the lunch prices had been raised, for god’s sake. Usually, though, they did it together. Now, though, they were against each other. And she wouldn’t be worried if it weren’t for Jack Kelly And His Five-Year-Long Crush On Her Brother. And, of course, Her Brother And His Seven Years Of Repressed Feelings For Jack Kelly.

       Couldn’t they be more like her and Katherine? As in, realize they liked each other and start dating instead of making bad decisions and putting themselves in compromising positions?

       Evidently not.

       She felt the worst for Jack. Everyone talked about David being dragged into Jack’s bullshit, but Jack deserved credit for just how much wackadoodle nonsense David had put him through for the past ten years. (For all of David’s talk about thinking before acting, he was surprisingly prone to making bad decisions involving Jack. I.e., daring him to kiss the prettiest boy in the room, teaming up in Mush and Blink’s yearly “who can trick the most people into thinking they're a couple” competition, and now, volunteering to make out with Jack.)

       She was really sick of being the one who knew everything. If she could be in the dark about _something_ , that’d make her happy.

       Buttons and Race ended their quiet convention, and Sarah almost pitied David. Buttons was a sweetheart, but she was the only one who could stand toe-to-toe with Crutchie and David in terms of encyclopedic theatre knowledge. With her arsenal of plots and kiss scenes plus Race being an actual gremlin, she knew they were all about to be extremely entertained.

       Race got everyone’s attention. “Davey, Jack, you fuckers are going first. You’ve got Phil and Rita’s first kiss in ‘Groundhog Day’.”

       That wasn’t… Awful. David raised his hand. “Where do we start from?”

       Race glanced at Buttons. “Y’know how they’re on the balcony and both looking forwards and then Rita grabs him by the lapels to kiss him? That. Also, Davey, you’re Rita.”

       David nodded slowly, and shot a loaded look at Jack. The two, as always, communicated without a need for words, and everyone watched, obscenely fascinated, as the two stood up, side-by-side, facing Crutchie and Albert. Silent for a moment, they stood tense but with a sort of energy that felt… Almost magical.

       (Giving credit where credit was due, considering that Jack designed and built sets, he was a fairly good actor. He stood his ground in any background roles Medda put him in to fill up the stage, and he seemed to enjoy it.

       David, though… Sarah had to admit it, he was fantastic. He’d been acting and singing since he was a kid, and it showed. He could be surrounded by first graders and not have a script, and he would still be able to form a captivating character. It was genuinely incredible.

       If she hadn’t known how gone for each other they were, she could have believed they were just acting.)

       David snuck a glance at Jack, lost in the scene, and bit his bottom lip, taking on Rita’s hesitant but stubborn stature. Jack stared into the distance, caught in the imaginary moment, until David grabbed his jacket and pulled him in for a sudden kiss. Jack gasped slightly, one hand moving to the small of David’s back, and David’s hand found its way to cup Jack’s jaw.

       Speaking of jaws, most everyone’s dropped. For a gay guy, David had been in more than enough stage sex scenes to last a lifetime. First the aforementioned “Titus Andronicus”, which had been a scarring experience for everyone involved, then “Almost, Maine”, which had been a significant increase in quality, and finally “Waitress”, their current show, which had brought about a change many people thought might have been caused by a seminar. But with Jack, a simple kiss seemed to carry more weight than any of the previous. Sarah almost laughed when she saw Katherine slowly blinking.

       In a few seconds, Jojo did Katherine’s job for her. “We yield!” Jack and David split apart, still in each other’s arms, and everyone looked from one to the other before Crutchie spoke.

       “Alright, so, uh, Kath, Jojo, you’re paying for the closing night dinner, Jack, Davey, you two should probably talk.” Both of them nodded mutely, and Jack muttered something before he and David headed off down the hallway. The group slowly split up, chattering and talking about the show, and Sarah smiled when she saw Buttons and Jojo talking, both blushing madly.

       Katherine’s hands snaked around her waist. “The baby gays are growing up.”

       Sarah laughed and leaned into her. “We raised those girls, Kath. Those are _our_ tiny, lesbian daughters.”

 

       Buttons twiddled her thumbs, and Jojo grinned awkwardly. “So. How’s kissing Race?”

       “Soo bad. I never want to kiss another boy _ever again_. You’re lucky.”

       “That I got to kiss Kath?” Both girls laughed, and Buttons shrugged.

       “She’s pretty, I’d like it a lot more than kissing Race.”

       “Okay, be honest, out of anyone in the cast, who’d you most wanna kiss. Honesty hour.”

       Buttons blushed and looked over at Katherine and Sarah. Sarah gave her a thumbs-up, and Jojo only became more confused. “I mean… stage kiss or real kiss?”

       “Depends.” Jojo ignored the hurt inside her when she wiggled her eyebrows. “Anyone you’d wanna kiss?”

       Buttons mumbled something, and Jojo frowned, confused. “What’d you say?”

       “I said. Uh. You. I want. To kiss you? I have for a while.”

       Usually, Jojo kept up an internal monologue, but the only sound in her mind was the sound that repeated explanation points would make.

       “Really?”

       Buttons nodded tightly, eyes focused on the ground. “Yeah.”

       Jojo felt a swooping feeling in her stomach. “Why didn’t you say so? We could have been dating for ages!”

       “What?”

       Jojo rolled her eyes and pressed a quick, chaste kiss to Buttons’ lips. Buttons inhaled and grabbed her hand. “What if we ditched rehearsal and went on a date?”

       “But you have… fake sex?”

       “Medda’ll understand. Come on, Jacobi’s? Deli sandwiches? First date?”

       Well, how was Jojo supposed to refuse that?

 

       David was one for calm, reasonable thought. He talked things out, he looked at causes and effects, he was logical. So when it came time to maybe have The Feelings Talk with his crush of seven years, he was sure he could handle it in a straightforward and easy way.

       However, they had tried that for thirty seconds, and all they had said was “uh,” “well,” “I mean,” and other variations. So that was why Jack was pinned up against the wall of David, Race, and Elmer’s dressing room.

       Whoops?

       David would feel bad, but he honestly didn’t. He’d found Race and Spot in there _far_ too many times. And Elmer, well. He did feel bad for Elmer. But nonetheless.

_He was kissing Jack Kelly, so it didn’t matter._

       Jack pulled back for a second and leaned his head against the wall. “Shit. Fuck. Holy shit.”

       “That bad?”

       Jack snorted. “I’m going to send Kath, Rafaela, and… whoever the fuck was in ‘Almost, Maine’ a bouquet of flowers.”

       “Um. Thanks?”

       Jack shook his head, a smile cracking across his face, and David _really_ wanted to kiss him again, because no one was supposed to be that beautiful. But… He had to be smart.

       “What is this? I mean, I like you a lot, and I hope you like me, but if this is just a friends with benefits thing for you that’s fine I mean I can do that--”

       “Dave. Calm down. Lord, no wonder you're Pomatter.” David took a deep breath, and Jack ran a finger along the hem of his shirt. “I like you too.”

       “Oh. That’s… That’s good, that’s very good.” Both of them nodded, and Jack pulled David back in to kiss him, still as fierce and rough as before, but with a shade more warmth and care.

       Time, which David decided was a hoax created by straight people because they clearly weren’t happy enough, slipped by faster than light, and before he knew it, Race was opening the door, slamming it shut again, and running in the opposite direction to collect what he was owed.

       David couldn’t be happier. Even if Medda was going to be on his ass about not being at rehearsal’s end. Technically, though, he wasn’t needed, and technically, when Dawn skipped rehearsal for Dawn and Ogie’s part of Bad Idea (Reprise) to go on a date with her girlfriend...

       Kissing Jack was definitely a better use of David’s time.

 

       Medda looked around the theater. “Sarah… Where did they go?”

       Sarah looked up from her clipboard and sighed. “You might just want to leave Davey’s water here.” She paused. “And I don’t think Buttons is coming back any time today.”

**Author's Note:**

> so, uh, hope you enjoyed this not needed 2K+ of newsies garbage  
> (in case you're wondering about roles, kath's jenna, davey's dr pomatter, buttons is dawn, race is ogie, spot is earl, specs in a bald cap is joe, and mike and ike keep switching out as cal between scenes bc it makes medda mad. albert's on lights, crutchie's on sound, sarah's stage manager, jack paints and designs sets, and finch, blink, and mush are in the band. everyone else im either debating or too tired to think about)  
> yeah. hope you liked, if you comment i'll owe you my heart. my tumblr is @penzyroamin, come say hi!!!


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